he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
did i just pee glitter
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
