Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
