i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"