listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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