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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  fuck the hobbit

  (301): View more from Maryland

  what about unicorns?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  fuck those pointy horses

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• (518): View more from New York

  i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap

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• (818): View more from California

  I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.

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• 

  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Restraining orders are what college is about.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.

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• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.

  Fav 2 1113 687

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.

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