Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.