Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
