I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.