3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
