They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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