And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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