I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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