eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
