Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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