I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize