No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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