the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
