I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
