oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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