Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
