soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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