She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
