When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were trust falling into bushes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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