There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
