I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
