i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
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Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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