her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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