She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You need Xanax blowdarts
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
