'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
