fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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