You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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