so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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