She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
