i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
