I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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