best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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