yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
