youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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