Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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