drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
