he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
