someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
