R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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