I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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