I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
