a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
