we have pet lesbian snakes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
