The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
