but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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