So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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