Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
