Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Found the puke drawer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
