your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
