I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize