But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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