You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
