some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
