i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
