I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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