Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I didn't notice because vodka
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
