it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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