....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
