help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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