This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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