How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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