Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
