Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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