you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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