True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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