Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
