all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
