Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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