Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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