So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
did i just pee glitter
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
