I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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