Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
