I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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