She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I came so hard my ears popped.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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