Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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