No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize