they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
