Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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