walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
