just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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