i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
