I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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