his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
