why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
