Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
