saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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